One step forwards, one or two steps back?

So over the past couple of weeks I've had to slow down the pace of my recovery a bit.

I was catching the bus to get to hospital for physio and to call in at work the other week, and on my way from work walking down hill to the 86 bus stop. I could feel a weakness in my legs, muscles shaking and inability to put one foot too far in front of the other. This couldn't be right could it? After all, I'd been doing short walks (0.2 or 0.3 miles, to the bus stop and back, or to the shop and back, every other day) for a couple of weeks and surely I should start seeing an improvement in my physical condition by now.

Another thing that happened that I wasn't expecting was the return of the severe headaches that I'd had in 2006, when it had been diagnosed as an issue with the placement of the scapula on my right shoulder: 6 months of intensive physio and taping seemed to have cured these, but here they were again. I wondered if it was because the physio exercises were done on one side only.

I had a day when I had a physio appointment at lunchtime and then the two-month post-op meeting with Mr Modi in the afternoon. I mentioned to Jenny the physio both the above conditions, and she suggested that the op had provoked a flareup of my rheumatoid arthritis. I hadn't even considered this possibility! So I have an appointment with my GP next week to see what he thinks. The headaches, she agreed with me about the exercises and so we've adapted them. Some of the ones I do lying down I now do with both arms, and the major stretches I do with both arms too. Let's see how that works.

She came to the consultant appointment too. I had an X-ray of the shoulder taken, and Mr Modi is really pleased with the progress and his handiwork, he showed me what it looked like and answered my questions about where the screws were screwed into. As it was 8 weeks post-op, I asked him if it was OK for me to drive and he agreed, especially as I have an automatic car, but to keep it local just now. So I guess that means no driving across the country visiting relatives for me!

I now have a plan for a phased return to work too.

Now until 14th January: 2 half-days a week.
14/1 - 8/4: 4 or 5 half-days a week.
8/4: 6-month signoff meeting with Mr Modi
After Easter: back to work full-time.

I had planned for a full-time return from the 14th January, so this is a bit of a blow for me I'm afraid. However, at least I can go back and do things. I can do therapies as long as I don't do massage: no cleaning or heavy lifting (yeh, right...), and keep up with the exercises.

I did do all day (9 - 3) on Saturday on my own, teaching the Violet Flame initiation in the morning and manning reception in the afternoon, then I cleaned up and mopped the floors.

Big mistake.

I am still not quite recovered from that! So, so tired when I got home. So much pain - out with the Zapain and I've had 3 doses since then, including one double dose (which is allowed if needed). And the headache returned last night so I had to take some ibuprofen as well.

Oh well, I guess it's all a learning curve isn't it. I am so frustrated, particularly as about the only thing I've been able to do is be a keyboard warrior! I did try and put the hoover over in the week as well, which was a similarly painful experience. But if I don't do it, it doesn't get done, and with 3 long-haired cats, it has to be done.

A catch up post

I know I've been quiet at the moment, but I've not had a lot to say and when I have, I've said it. I know that's unusual for me!

Today was day number 2 in the phased return to work. Walk to bus stop: bus to town: walk to bus station: bus to Ball Hill: walk to Centre. A couple of hours there with Janet, catching up, meeting the new physiotherapist, sorting things out. Then walk down to Binley Road, catch the bus to Binley Woods, walk home.

Collapse in an exhausted, quivering heap.

I still haven't recovered 4 hours later.

I'm now starting to wonder whether there is something more sinister going on here. Why am I so prostrated by a minimal amount of exercise - less than 1.5 miles in 4 chunks, each chunk punctuated with a good sit down? Why do my legs tremble after a few steps? What is going on? How have I got worse rather than better in the last couple of weeks?

I am at the hospital again tomorrow. Walk to bus stop: bus to town: bus to hospital. Physio, then lunch, then consultant. Bus to Warwickshire shopping park: walk across Morrisons car park: bus to Binley Woods: walk home. I shouldn't be quite as knackered as I am today. Should I?

I shall mention it to the consultant tomorrow, but I'm guessing I need to see my GP. Wish me luck.

I have been taking a goodly amount of decent supplements: Vit D3, an excellent multivitamin, glucosamine, an Omega 3-6-9 oil. It's just the exercise bit that I'm struggling with now.

Milestones or goals?

Today hasn't been a good day. I have done next to nothing tangible, except go back to bed for a couple of hours. I did expect the physical effects of such an exertion though. The achievement last night of the one big goal I had - to go to Birmingham to see Steve Hackett - gave me pause for thought overnight and during today.

I bought these tickets over 13 months ago, before I'd even been told I needed a shoulder replacement, and right up until I got the date I never even thought my attendance was in question. Then a certain amount of panic set in as I worked out that it would only be 5 weeks since the op and I wouldn't be driving by that time.

My "fitness" drive in the last couple of weeks was aimed at getting me to Birmingham and back: after all, I'd hardly walked anywhere except up and down stairs for over a month and this period of enforced inactivity had taken its toll. My legs have slimmed down to the point where my leggings are hanging off instead of clinging to the flesh. I suspect that is muscle wastage.

Having not received the OK to drive yet, it would have to be a trip done on public transport. So, walk to the bus stop (0.3 miles), bus to town, bus to train station. New Street station to Symphony hall via the Post Office Vaults and Pieminister. What could possibly go wrong.

The journey between Pieminister and the Symphony Hall was horrendous. I had to sit and rest twice, and lean on a railing once. The world was going grey at one point, a sure sign that I wasn't taking in enough oxygen. I think it took me 20 minutes to walk about 500 yards.

Fantastic concert - but it hurt to applaud! So I resorted to tapping the edge of the terrace box where I was sitting.

The walk back was downhill so it only took me about 20 minutes to walk the 1000 yards, I only stopped once to get my breath and we managed to get an earlier train than the one I had planned. Taxi home, then drink of water and bed.

So what was I thinking about today?

Was this event a milestone - something to mark the passing of time or distance: or a goal - something to aim for? In determining that I was going to this gig come hell or high water, was I setting myself a goal for my recovery? Why is the distinction so important for me? If the gig was a milestone, then all that is needed is to mark the next one in the recovery. But if the gig was a goal, well I have now achieved that goal. Do I now need to set another goal and aim for it?

I have a long history of not setting goals. Or rather, of setting them and not achieving them for one reason or another, usually health-related. So I hesitate to set any goals or targets, call them what you will. I seem to have achieved a fair amount without using the means of setting goals.

I would value your thoughts on this one.

My recalcitrant body

I am not a fan of my body at the moment.

Yes there is rehab to do, and I am doing it to the best of my ability. 3 lots of exercises 3 times a day, with others from previous weeks from time to time, and some of the other exercises that I used to do when my other shoulder needed work.

I've decided too, that it is time for me to get my legs back in working order. So I've downloaded the Strava app and you are welcome to buddy up with me on there (or whatever you call it). On Thursday I walked to the end of the road and back, and on Friday I walked to the bus stop, where there is a bench. I had about two minutes rest and then walked back.

Oh that was so hard! I try and monitor my posture, and I catch myself stooping and walking like a figure 2 or something - bending forwards with my bum sticking out! I am so self-conscious! And my hips are so short - I mean they need to be more flexible - and my knees hurt so much...I tried to use both my arms when walking, and when I got home my bad arm really hurt because of that. And it was soooo cold! But I have to do it. I have got to walk otherwise (a) I won't be able to go to the Steve Hackett gig on the 18th in Birmingham, and (b) I have got to go to the Centre about that time to sort out the money, and I will need to walk as I won't be able to drive by then. Plus (c) there are 16 stairs at the Centre and at the moment I won't be able to manage them.

The other thing I've noticed is that my boobs are really lopsided now. The muscle tone on the left side is ridiculously low. The best thing in the last few days is that I've found out some old camisole tops with a hidden bra, and most of them actually fit (if I don't do the bra up that is!) so I can get some support now. I reckon I will be able to get back into the front-loading bras next monthl.

So if you feel like it, some messages of support wouldn't go amiss at this time. Thank you.